Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
