yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
