my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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