She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
