So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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