dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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