Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
