No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
