I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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