when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
