just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
