Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We have started to decorate penises.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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