susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
