Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
