u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
too bad you live with your parents still
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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