SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
