is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
