Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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