I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
