well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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