Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
