god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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