I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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