Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
