is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
