Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
