I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
