it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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