i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
