Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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