I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
