When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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