ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
