i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
