how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
