this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
