thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
