clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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