my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
