You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
