Non-Jews are for practice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
