She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
