You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
