Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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