Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
