To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
