The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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