i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
