there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
