I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
