I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
