I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
