So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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