do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
