4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
