you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
