do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize