I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
