I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
