everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
