I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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