If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
