i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
