My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you had me at cake vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
